Ash's ponderings
by Shagti2
Summary: In this story, Ash is feeling rather depressed and decides to leave the group. The reasons will surprise you... Can Misty keep Ash there or will it be to late? Rated PG for mild cussing!


Damn it. I know she has absolutely no interest in me. Gary's been right all these years. I am a pathetic loser. Funny, it took me this long to realize that. Anyway, it serves me right. How I, Ash Ketchum, the pathetic pokemon trainer, who got all of his badges through pure luck and pity, whose pokemon (on the most part) came and stayed with him for a charity case, from the town of Pallet, (I insult my town just by mentioning I come from there!) expect Misty Kasumi Waterflower, the most beautiful, strong-willed, intelligent (the list goes on and on) girl I know to see me something other than friends. I'm lucky just for that. 

Hell, I'm lucky that Brock stays with me, good friend that he is. To this day, I still don't understand why Pikachu decided to stay with me instead of stay with that clan of Pikachu. 

It's amazing how dense and arrogant I could be. I saw the signs ages ago and refused to acknowledge them (another thing that Gary keeps on telling me. I even hear Brock and Misty whisper sometimes). Misty is way out of my league. I mean just look at her! She is just so damn beautiful! She could have her pick of guys! She could have the world if she wanted! And I have nothing to offer except myself. Hah! **Nothing** would be better. 

So that's what I'm going to give her. Instead of the fighting and bickering, which truth be told, are the best and the worst times of my pathetic existence. It's good to know that she acknowledges my existence, and that sometimes she seems to do it for my own good. But sometimes the things she say … it cuts deep. Like wounds on my heart and soul.

Today was the last straw. I did something that even right now I'm kicking myself for. She tried to kiss me. Not a French kiss thing, just a friendly peck on the cheek. I moved away. I moved away! I actually did something right for her, bought her a new bike (which took five years of saving what little money I had. That's why I always liked my cheeseburgers and camping outside. It saved money). 

Man, I wish I bought a camera, just to save the way she looked so happy, her blue eyes lighting up like … it was just indescribable. She was actually so happy, that she forgot who I was and hugged me. I'll never forget how it felt, her body pressing close to mine, all nice and warm. She smelled like French Vanilla. It was amazing.

Then when she went to kiss me, I moved away. I flinched. I FLINCHED! It was all too much! For all my supposed bravery and confidence, I knew it would hurt. Not physically, because I'm sure it would have felt great, but the fact that I know she didn't like me, at least not in the way that I liked her. To feel her lips touch me, for her to show real affection towards me, I couldn't handle it. 

When she saw me snub her, she made a comment and let go of me. I turned red, my emotions jumbling up, my brain trying to make up an excuse why I did what I did, and as usual, defense mechanisms from years and years of Gary's ribbing came into play, and I insulted her. What I said, what I said …

Well that got her good and mad (and she looks so cute when she's angry) and she just told me off, and made me fell three centimeters tall. I turned about face and walked off. Not because I was so angry and I wanted to avoid saying anything else, but because my heart was broken, and I didn't want her to see me cry. Pikachu caught up to me but I didn't even look at him. 

I went into the forest and pulled my cap low over my face, and I wept silently as I thought over some things. I thought about all the times I fought and the things that we both said. About the time when I was competing for my sea ruby badge and the way she cheered Danny on. The things Danny said to her, things I should have said so long ago. Things that would have made her feel special. The time when Gary invited her to be one of his cheerleaders, and I said, "Hah, don't you take only pretty girls instead of scrawny runts like her?"

I thought about a lot of things while I was there. And I came to a conclusion. It isn't no longer if she likes me, because after all the stuff we've been through, there is no way she could see me more than friends. And not even the best of friends at that. 

I also came up with another one. I have to get over her, spend some time apart. I have to leave the group. There shouldn't be that big of a problem, cause all I'm good at is finding firewood. I'll tell them tonight, and in the morning, I'll head in the opposite direction they are going. Probably catch up with Ritchie, learn a thing or two. I know I need it.

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"Uh, Mist, can I talk to you?" Ash asked hesitantly. #This is it. I'm going to tell her.#

"Why, Ash? So you can insult me some more?" she angrily replied, her eyes flashing in the fires glare.

"No, Misty, it's just really important."

"Well just spit it out, Ketchum. I'm going to bed soon, and I need my beauty sleep."

#Truth be told, you don't need it, # Ash thought sullenly. "I have to tell you it in private."

Brock, who was busy fixing up dinner, cocked his eyebrow but remained silent.

"Well you're among friends so say it." Misty sneered, making the word "friend" drip with sarcasm.

"Please Misty it's personal. I just need to tell you something. I'll be quick about it. I won't waste any of your time."

Misty looked up at Ash. His voice … it sounded so hurt and desperate. She sighed and got up.

"Where?" she asked.

"A little bit into the woods."

The two teenagers walked through a heavily wooded area, to find a small clearing.

"Alright. Misty there is something I need to tell you. I think you better sit down for this," Ash said as he turned to face her. She didn't.

"Ok, well, Misty tomorrow I'm leaving. I mean you and Brock. I don't think that I should be traveling with you guys. I don't deserve it. You guys have been good to me, and I'm lucky to have such good friends like you. But I need to travel by myself for a while."

"Now you hold it right there, Ketchum! Why the hell are you going to leave?" Misty asked angrily. "And this better be a good one, or else I will club you with my mallet and drag your sorry ass back to camp!"

#Geez, you'd almost think she cares …# Ash thought wistfully." Look, it's just something I have to do, ok?" he said, sounding almost defensive.

"Ash, I'm going to take out my mallet. And if you don't provide a good reason while it's out, I'm going to beat it out of you. Understand?" she threatened.

"Fine you want to know the reason? It's because, of how we get along! The arguing and fighting that goes on between us. I'm tired of it, and I want us to stop."

# Oh man! I never thought he'd take it so personally! But then, what I said, especially this afternoon …# Misty thought, horrified.

"Ash, I'm sorry. I never meant a word of what I said. Not one bit of it. Please don't leave."And with that, she hugged him. They were so close, and the moment felt so right, Ash whispered, "And because I care for you."

Misty never heard him. They headed back to camp, their friendship stronger than ever.

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Pokemon don't belong to me! If they did I'd have been driven mad by counting all my money! Money… * sigh *. Wish I had me some of that….

Send comments suggestions to [shagti2@aol.com][1]

   [1]: mailto:shagti2@aol.com



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